先来看看川普的精选段子集：
You know, Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common. For instance, we both run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue. Of course, his is much more impressive than mine. That’s because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands.
你们知道，我和Dolan主教有一些共同点。比如，我们在第五大道上都经营了牛逼闪闪的地产。当然，他的地产比我的要厉害多了。因为我的是用我自己美腻的双手打造的。（红衣主教的地产是上帝之手打造的，川普手的大小怎么能跟上帝比。川普调侃自己当时和卢比奥用手的大小来比丁丁。）
It’s great to be here with a thousand wonderful people – or as I call it, a small, intimate dinner with some friends. Or as Hillary calls it, her largest crowd of the season.
和一千位优秀的人士一起在这里简直太棒了！对于我来说，这是一个小型的、近距离接触的、与朋友相聚的晚宴。在希拉里看来，这可能是本季度她见过的最大的集会了。（讽刺希拉里没有群众基础。）
Even tonight, with all of the heated back-and-forth between my opponent and me at the debate last night, we have proven that we can actually be civil to each other. In fact, just before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me, and she very civilly said: ‘Pardon me.’
And I very politely replied: ‘Let me talk to you about that after I get into office.’
即便昨晚的辩论上，我和我的对手有那么多激烈的争论，而在今晚，我们仍然可以证明我们彼此可以十分文明地对待对方。事实上，在来到讲台前，希拉里无意中撞到了我，对我有礼貌地说了声“不好意思咯。”然后我也非常恭敬的回了她一句：“等我进白宫之后再说这个吧。”（真是相爱相杀）
Michelle Obama gives a speech, and everyone loves it. It’s fantastic. They think she is absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech and people get on her case.
米歇尔奥巴马作了个演讲，所有人都很喜欢。这很棒。大家都觉得她棒极了。于是我老婆，梅拉尼娅，作了个一毛一样的，结果你们把她骂成汪……
再来看看希拉里这边：
This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule … It is a treat for all of you, too, because usually I charge a lot for speeches like this.
这个活动太重要了，以至于我必须打破我严格执行的补觉时间表……对于你们各位来说可是捡了个大便宜！因为通常这种演讲我都会收很多钱。（先是自嘲自己身体不好，需要多睡觉。再是自嘲自己演讲收钱。）
There are a lot of friendly faces in this room … I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables. And you look so good in your tuxes – or as I refer to them, formal pantsuits.
And because this dinner is for such a great cause, Donald, if at any time you don’t like what I’m saying, feel free to stand up and shout ‘wrong’ while I’m talking.
在这里有很多很友善的面孔，我想把你们通通放进“可爱篮”里。（曾说支持川普的人应该装在杯具篮里basket of deplorables）
你们穿着燕尾服看起来不错哦——用我自己的话说，就是正式的长裤套装。（希拉里的蜜汁套装）
因为举行这场晚宴是为了如此重大原因，川普，如果你要是觉得对我说的话不爽，请随时在我讲话的时候喊“Wrong”。
Come to think of it, it’s amazing I am appearing after Donald. I did not think he would be OK with a peaceful transition of power. And, Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.
来想想，我在川普之后出场还是棒棒的呢。我不认为他可以接受和平的权力交接。对了，川普哥，在听完你的演讲之后，我也会非常乐意听听麦克·彭斯是如何否认你说过的。（辩论后，川普说他会接受大选结果，前提是他赢。川普说啥，彭斯都说“他没说过”）
People look at the Statue of Liberty and see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a 4, maybe a 5 if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair. Come to think of it, you know what would be a good number for a woman? 45.?
人们看到自由女神像就会想到这是我们作为移民国家的骄傲象征，这是全世界人民希望的灯塔。但川普看到自由女神，可能也就觉得是个4分妹子吧，但要是把手上的火把和写字板丢了，再换个发型的话，说不定能上5分……再来想想，你们知道对于一个女性最好的数字是什么吗？45。（第45任总统)
People say, and I hear them, they say I’m boring compared to Donald, but I’m not boring at all. In fact, I am the life of every party I attended, and I have been to three.
大家都说我跟川普比起来真是太无聊了，但其实我一点儿都不无聊。事实上，我在我参加过的所有派对里，我都是撑场面的那个。我这辈子都参加过三个了！
I had to listen to Donald for three full debates, and he says I don’t have any stamina … That is four and a half hours. I have now stood next to Donald Trump longer than any of his campaign managers.
我站着听完了川普整整三个辩论，他说我没什么精力……那可是整整四个半小时啊！我现在站在川普身旁的时间可比他任何一个竞选经理的时间都要长哦！（川普老是开他的竞选经理）
Donald really is as healthy as a horse – you know, the one that Vladimir Putin rides around on.
川普的确健康得跟马似的，你们知道的，就是普金骑着的那匹。
I said no to some jokes that I thought were over the line, but I suppose you can judge for yourself on WikiLeaks in the next few days.
我对一些我认为过分的玩笑都说了“不”，但我不认为你们对未来几天维基解密上的东西也有判断力。
看完这场晚宴的演讲，小编不禁脑洞大开：川普和希拉里不会是一伙儿的吧！川普之前吸了那么多粉，是不是想在最后关头推希拉里一把？你们看，他俩在晚宴上笑得如此走心……（仅仅只是个人YY，勿喷）
